A lot has been going on.  There is a lot of stress. We are moving and it’s been hard to accept even though it’s just 30 minutes away.  Then my brother who for years hasn’t really had much to do with us finally severed the ties.  I wrote the post below to help me through the feelings I am having.  Although I do feel a sense of relief and a weight being lifted off me, I am still sad.  I don’t expect comments and that’s okay.  I write because it helps me to feel better. My mom told me a long time ago that when you have something going on in your life, the best thing to do is to write.  I know that now we can share things instantly with the world. I could have tweeted. I could have put it on my Facebook status, but instead I chose to blog.  The thing about Musings of a Banana is it’s my journal.  I am able to write about things that make me think, things that make me want to scream and some things that make me want to cry.  Writing can be a very healing experience.  It can really open up those feelings that are hard to say in words out loud.  The post below was for my benefit.  If you read it, don’t feel like you must comment.  I have faith that one day I will not have an estranged brother. He will be back, but until then I choose to write and it makes me feel better.

I recently lost my brother.  He didn’t die. He just has decided not to have a relationship with me.  This is an answer I have been waiting to hear for awhile.  It hurt when I read the email, but at the same time I felt some relief.  All of these years I was trying to have a relationship with someone that didn’t want to have one with me.  I was sending emails, cards, presents and making the actual phone call only to receive silence on the other end.  I tried. I really did try.  Now I have a brother and an estranged brother.  He is the one that we don’t talk about. He doesn’t have anything to do with any of us.  We never did anything to him.  My parents supported him in everything he has ever done.  If he was playing football, baseball or what ever sport was in season, my parents were there.  I was there too.  When he joined the Navy, my parents and I were there when he was sworn in and then when he graduated from basic training.  When he got married, we were there.  Then that’s the end.  He got married.  When I got married, I also married my husband’s family.  They are a quirky bunch, but they stick by you.  When my brother got married, he left.  He wasn’t the same person.  He and his wife had children and they became their own insular family.  They have no contact with us. His wife’s family is not together.  She doesn’t talk to her dad. Her mom is living her own life. She has a brother, but I don’t know about him.  It is a sad feeling when you lose something especially something that has been with you since you were born.  But it’s hard to be sad when what you had hasn’t been there for a long time.